Peace in my Savior

My soul is so full of peace and gratitude today and I need to write down these thoughts from this moment of strength I’ve had for the times I don’t feel so strong.

The past couple months have been a whirlwind of emotion that I never thought I would go through. I had a beautiful life and I didn’t think I could be happier. Now that I look back I think I was complacent although I was happy I know a greater happiness is possible. I truly believe all the trials we face are for a purpose and help us grow. I have learned so much about myself and others in the last few months. My testimony has been strengthened and I am a stronger more caring and compassionate person. I’m not ready to share details of what is going on. It’s hard not to share sometimes because of the untrue rumors I’ve heard are really hurtful, but in the end it doesn’t matter. What matters is my relationship with my Savior and the efforts I’ve made to be closer to him.

I can truly say I’m grateful for the trials that have been placed before me. For the endless hours of tears that have been shed because it has allowed me to undeniably feel the Saviors mercy. I’m my darkest moments of despair I feel his presence and his strength. I’ve never felt it so strong and so real. I wish I could share the physical comfort I feel with those that have a wavering testimony because it is UNDENIABLE. Many days I wondered how I will take my next breath let alone tackle a whole day. I manage to put one foot in front of the other and take the day one moment at a time. I know I’m not doing this alone but it’s the Lord carrying me. I had to come to a point where I put all my faith in my Savior and let him guide me. It’s amazing to me how much our attitude and willingness to love changes when it’s the Saviors love acting instead of a broken hearts.

I have prayed very hard for peace because I’ve been so worried about my little growing munchkin. I know the emotional state I have been in hasn’t been the best for my health and it terrifies me it could have a negative impact on the baby. I feel so blessed to be able to finally feel peace within myself. A quote I put on my yearly goal poster is “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” I understand more clearly now that I have a choice I can choose to focus on all my blessings or I can wallow in my sorrow. I have so much to be grateful for especially my strengthened relationship with God and my Savior Jesus Christ.

Every time I feel like I can’t do it any longer, I’ve been blessed with people along my path that have restored a little more faith, a little more hope. I hope I learn to stop saying I can’t do things because you can do a lot when you let Christ carry you. Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me”. I feel more hope because I know that I have changed and my positive attitude has the power to do hard things.

I’m grateful for a husband that loves me and will forgive me when my words aren’t kind. I love my husband a lot and know that true love can withstand a lot. My husband is a great man and has been given some trials out of his control that I can’t even pretend to know how that must feel. I know that he is a strong person because the Lord doesn’t give us trials we can’t overcome. I hope that people will not place any judgment on either of us because there are so many layers to what we have gone through. I honestly don’t know what my future looks like, which has been very difficult some days. I do know that if I live my life by the spirit I will be happy and that is all I can ask for. My trust is in the Lord.

I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true church. I have felt my Saviors love every time I’ve turned to him in prayer, and I’m so grateful for that. I am so grateful to be able to attend the temple and for temple marriages. I will be the first to say a temple marriage doesn’t make things perfect and easy, but it does put Christ at the center of your marriage and help you remember how sacred it is when you feel there is nothing left to give. God is real and his plan of salvation is the only way to truly be happy and return to him. I pray that I will continue to grow and learn from this trial and that I will be able to be the best mom and wife I can be.

I love the power of music I probably could have just pasted in the lyrics to this song because it’s exactly how my heart feels.